You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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