you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
