i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
