hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
