I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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