I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
