I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
