I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i will never coherently bang her
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
