Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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