I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
