Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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