Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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