Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
