remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
