So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just found a bag of teeth...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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