It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
