She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
