Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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