I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
