Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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