Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
