just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
