the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
