She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
he laminated a picture of his dick.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
