We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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