while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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