I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
