I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
