I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
