Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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