I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
worst night to have a conscience
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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