break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
