So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
