So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
