There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
