dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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