Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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