U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
