and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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