is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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