This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize
