Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
