I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
