Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
