i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
