Having a random hookup so left but love u
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
