You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
