You're my little dorito
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Are my feet made of real feet?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
