I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
