im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
