You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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